Complex Statements for the Simple Minded:
This was stolen from my brother who brought it home from school <3

Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface
On one hand I'm indecisive; but on the other, I'm not
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's intolerance
The world's full of apathy, but I don't care
Perspective is in the eye of the beholder
Prejudiced people are all alike
What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?
Those who judge others will burn for all eternity!
Exaggeration is not all it's cracked up to be
Evil is not all bad
I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity
It's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous
There's no such thing as nonexistence
Cooperation can only be reached if we work together
As fas as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question
He doesn't have much of a reputation, or so I've heard
I disagree with unanimity
I have my doubts about disbelief
Avoid Alliterations. Always
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with
One should never generalize
Avoid cliches like the plague
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms
Analogies are like feathers on a snake
I always try to do things in chronological order
A Plateau is the hightest form of flattery
I have a twin brother; he's identical, but I'm not
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
Death to all fanatics!
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hands
An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written one -Sam Goldwyn
Don't chew with your mouth full
It's Deja Vu all over again
If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrious!
I always wanted to be a procrastinator!
To understand recursion, you must first understand recursion
If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks
The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are
Don't be redundant by repeating yourself
Grammar had gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?
Some people type so fast that forget to include
When all is said and done, much more is said than done
My identity lies in not knowing who I am
I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life
I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid
Free advice is worth what you paid for it
Entropy just isn't what it used to be
I can't define irony; but, I know it when I see it
I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am not sure if I believe it
Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary
There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and people who can't
"No, officer. I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!?!"
Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don't believe in dragons

Penguin Jokes:
If you have any more, please send them in!

As told by Ali:
alleycat426: So there's these two penguins in a bathtub. And they're bathing. One penguin says to the other, "Pass the soap."
alleycat426: The other penguin says, "What do I look like, a toaster?

As told by Mrs. Huff:
A policeman saw a guy walking down a street holding a penguin on each shoulder. He walked over to the man and said, "What are you doing with those penguins! You have to take them to the zoo." The man thanked him for telling him, and went off to the zoo. The next day, the policeman saw the same man still with the two penguins. The policeman walked over and said, "Why didn't you take those penguins to the zoo?" The man looked at him and replied, "I did! They loved it! I think later today I'll take them to the cinema."

As told by Halea:
xFryingPanOfDoom: what's red and white and black all over
xFryingPanOfDoom: a sunburned penguin!